May 2, 2018…
It was and still the saddest part of my life and most painful thing that happened to me. He waved goodbye instead of hello.
I wasn’t able to see him for 2 years because I’m working abroad, yeah I know, I should have at least go home even once and that’s the biggest mistake I did, regretted it. I imagined him welcoming me with his arms wide open to embrace me, his sweetest smile and laughing chinky eyes instead, I saw him inside his newly closed box bed, eyes are tightly closed and colored lips to hide the paleness of his face. But still the most handsome man I’ve known and loved my entire life!
I learned from him that it’s fine to spend extravagantly on food rather than buying things you will only use for a couple of months, years if you’re lucky (that explains how I become big lol).
When I was a kid, he self taught how to tie my hair, and mind you, pig tails becomes rabbit ears hahaha! There’s this time when I’m sick and having a fever, he will ask me what food do I want to eat, I requested for an instant stir fry noodles he said okay and after a couple of minutes he was walking slowly, carrying one bowl gently. I smiled thinking I will eat what I’m craving for but deym hahah my noodles has water! it’s a noodle soup now and I asked him why does it have water? He just told me that it’s the right way of cooking it so yeah, the manufacturer was wrong hahaha cute, but ofcourse I ate it even if the taste was kinda nasty.
He will just say “You should lose weight” but end up buying bread in the middle of the night for me and my brother, ice cream and street foods. That’s how my father would like me to lose weight hahaha.
Memories keeps on flashing that if I will tell you all the stories, this page won’t be enough. I just love how he loves us. How he put smile to people’s faces, how he throw some corny and cheesy jokes, how kind he was even though he was being taken for granted of some people he love and care, how helpful he was wherein people are taking advantage of it. I love his unconditional love to others most especially to us
After the day he left us, I was thinking to take my own life. Inside the train station I was crying, while walking and while waiting for the pedestrian light to become green. I even think of ways to commit the sin, ‘What if I suddenly jump off of the street while cars are fastly running’, ‘What if I tripped my self to fall down the stairs?’ or ‘What if I just cut my wrist?’. I spent my days, weeks and months thinking bout it. Until I dreamed of him, he sat beside me, just looking at me then caress my cheeks, I held his hand and cried, I can feel his love for me and I woke up. I regretted thinking of taking my life, I realize I still have my mom and brother and that my dad won’t be happy if I’ll do it.
I’m still depressed but, the love from my family is what keeps me going.
My first love, my dad left me..left us but we will surely be together again someday, and I know he is just around the corner, happily looking after us.
How about you? How’s your first love doing?