Hello Mine, Goodbye…

My boyfriend (well ex-boyfriend) broke up with me last December 28, 2019, after having a 9-month long-distance relationship together. 9 hours time difference, my day is just about to start and his is just about to end and vice versa. We almost have the same days off, mine’s Friday Saturday and his are Thursday Friday. I always make sure to stay awake the whole night during my off so we can talk longer but most of the time I ended up falling asleep, and he is cool with that since he is playing video and online games. He always says “It’s fine baby” with matching “I love you so much beautiful” or “I love you so much wife.” Geez, I can feel sadness and pain now, remembering how sweet we were to each other. How much we loved each other (I thought).

We started talking last January 2019, he told me he like me last February 2019 and he realized that he had already fallen in love with me, and after 7 years of being single (that’s me lol) we became official March 29, 2019, then April fool’s day came, I told him someone asked me out and I accepted the invitation, he replied so fast I was just laughing. He is getting upset saying “Why would you do that? Even if you are telling me to date someone I met here I wouldn’t do it because I love you”. So I replied to him, “Mine it’s April 1 today right?” mine is my endearment to him, he’d seen my message already and didn’t get an immediate reply but “I didn’t know it’s also existing in another world hahaha you got me, now you have to send me a picture.” demanding eh. I have a huge crush on Adam Levine of Maroon 5, they had a concert here and weeks before that I made fun of him. “Mine my crush is coming here to Dubai I think I will go meet him”, “No? Your crush will not be there and you will not meet him” his reply, “But why?”, I’m kinda smiling the whole time “Because I’m not there” he was also sending me angry emojis, “But I want to see him mine.” Then I got this, “You better explain yourself to me before I really get upset. Who is your crush?” I ended up laughing because he is so cute, “Adam Levine” my short answer. He then send me laughing emojis, “You are a silly girl lol” he’s kinda relieved now that he knows it’s a celebrity and every time I will tell him I won’t exchange him for anyone else he will just say “No no I know you like Adam so much.” but I like him more than Adam (sorry).

We planned to get married, we have different beliefs and cultures, but it’s fine for both of us. He doesn’t mind marrying me in a church but later on agreed to have a civil wedding instead. Planned of having kids, settling down to where I want to and sent me memes about a kid having tantrums and if I’m upset to him so I can laugh. Sending me videos saying goodnight and how much he loves me. Getting annoyed whenever I call him dude or bro or buddy (just messing up with him because he is so cute!). He’d tell me he will do anything for me, then immediately sent a follow-up message saying except the beard and mustache hahaha! I really don’t like them but because of him, I started to like it. He promised me he will cook for me wearing a pink apron and will eat using his bare hands for boodle fight.

He is kinda picky when it comes to food, one time I cooked chicken soup and he was like “Ewww, why boiled the chicken?” my reply was “Okay, only the kids will eat the foods I’ll cook.” and he was like “No baby I will eat whatever you cook geez baby.” Isn’t he cute? hahaha. He likes sweets a lot and spicy foods!

He got upset as well when I told him that my family is trying to set me up with a police officer in my country, “Clearly, they don’t know that I’m existing.” he told me, “Should I start telling them about you?” I asked. “I mean it’s up to you” he replied, “I told them so it’s official” and from my perspective, he was quite happy that my family stopped and respected him as my partner even though they haven’t met him yet. My mom’s birthday came and he claimed that my mom is also his (well guessing by how he asked me to greet her for him), “Tell mom happy birthday.” he told me, “You mean my mom?” just to double-check it, maybe he forgot the word ‘your’. “I know what I said.” so I forwarded it to my mom and she’s happy as well. She commented, “Oh he is calling me mom already!”

There’s a lot of good memories with him, we fight but that’s a part of a relationship, how you handle the fight is how to make your relationship strong especially when both of you are far from each other. He always assures me that I’m the only one, that he loves me so much, that we will be together soon. We were happy and in love…

Until December came, he was so busy with his work and his streaming. We still talk everyday but it’s not like before, still sweet to me though and I to him. We fought before Christmas which is the biggest fight we had and I ended up deleting our nicknames which made him sad (well as per his messages to me but now I doubt if it’s real), and he was so sorry he told me he is fighting for me and want me back, I asked him. “Will you leave me anytime soon?”, “No baby, I will never leave you that’s why I kept on fighting for you. I want you back.” his answer. He also insist that I should return our nickname and didn’t sleep until I put it back. After a day or two I became a brat again and was kinda upset because we planned that we will talk that night but he went on streaming. I didn’t talk to him for 2 days and when I messaged him, I was not expecting that everything will be over. I was expecting that we will stop fighting and just fix everything. He ended US days after he told me that he will not leave me, that he wants me back. I begged for him to stay, for him to give us a chance. But he doesn’t feel the same way anymore. He fell out of love. He lost his interest in me. He told me to find my happiness but I already found it in him and I’m sorry I was not good enough.

I cried for days, after watching fireworks on New Year I cried my heart out. Wasn’t able to eat for days, whenever I eat, I’ll vomit it out. I don’t have communication with him anymore. But I’m okay now, I decided to make myself occupied, and choose to be happy. I don’t want to be depressed that long, I don’t have time for that. Sure I’m missing him calling me ‘Baby’ and ‘Love’ and miss calling him ‘Mine’ missing those ‘I love yous and I miss yous’ those ‘wishing you are here’ and calling each other as ‘future wife/husband’. I just miss US. I wrote, “Love, Future You” with him on my mind. Memories are flashing back but I’m trying to block it off, not because I’m mad at him but to shield and protect myself from pain. Time will come and I will be healed, completely.

We separated ways but still thankful to those 9 months I shared with him, it’s not that long but what I felt was pure and real. I’ve learned a lot from him and I wish him happiness and success. Another “Thank You Ex!” I guess. I know he won’t see this but:

“Thank you for walking the journey with me, thank you for making me laugh and smile, for making me feel loved and for including me to your future even if it’s just for a while. For making me cry not because of our fights but because of how I felt your sincerity. Thank you for giving me the undivided attention before, Thank you for supporting me in every thing I’m doing, Thank you for the time you’ve spent talking to me. Thank you for being there when I needed someone to rant and vent out with, to help me choose on things I’m having hard time choosing with, for the advices and suggestions. Thank you for trying and Thank you for loving me. Thank you mine and sorry for everything, for being a brat and for getting upset so easy…I just love you so much, please be safe always. Again, thank you so much mine, like I always say ‘you are the best! Always proud of you'”

Break ups are sometimes good for you, you will get to know more about yourself in the process of moving on. Sure it’s painful and sad, but use those emotions to make you stronger and wiser. Divert your attention and make yourself busy so you can ease the pain. So you can forget. We don’t know, maybe they will come back or maybe you will find the right person. The person who will make you forget the pain, and put a permanent smile on your lovely face.

10 thoughts on “Hello Mine, Goodbye…

      1. I’m really an open book and transparent so people can easily read me but ofcourse still limited and still having privacy lol.. I’m happy tho and I’m okay now. Thank you πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I get that. I try to be as open as possible, but especially with most of what I talk about involving my kids to some degree, you have to keep the things that need to be private, private. You have to strike the right balance.

        Liked by 1 person

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